Family members, including caregivers, often feel mixed emotions after a loved one dies on a holiday. It can be Christmas, New Year’s, Thanksgiving, or even April Fools’ Day.
My father died on March 31, eight years after my mother’s passing on April 1.
My father called me on April Fools’ Day. I thought he was joking. He never called me long-distance, he thought it was too expensive. But this was an exception. He had to share the sad news: My mother died.
Families who lose a loved one on a holiday or even a birthday, feel mixed emotions.
As a result of her passing on April Fools’ Day, for 23 years, I’ve steered clear of pranksters on April 1.
My father-in-law died on Thanksgiving Day in 2015. 
My mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on her 65th birthday, less than a year after they celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary (pictured here). She was buried on my husband’s birthday.
Know that it will take whatever time necessary to cope with grief. While I don’t retreat completely, on these holidays and other days, I take time to reflect and remember the legacy left by those whose lives impacted mine.
If you or your friend can’t get into the holiday spirit, it might be because s/he needs time to grieve. That’s okay. Coping with grief doesn’t have a schedule. It takes whatever time it needs. Sometimes, it rests a while before a rush of emotions fill the heart.
If you’re a friend of someone who is still grieving, the best gift you can give is to sit with your friend in silence or be ready to listen. You may ask a question or two to see if s/he feels like talking. Then all you need to give is the gift of your time as you listen to his/her remembrances.
Powerful article Brenda, thank you.
My father died on Thanksgiving Day 2016, which was quite a shock. We were expecting my mom to pass, since she has been on hospice care since October 2016. We are now caregiving for my mom in our home, and are learning to adapt to things one day at a time.
A reminder for your readers, hug or call your loved ones TODAY, because you might not have tomorrow.
Eric, solid advice from one who also knows. Thank you.
Health is not a given. Life is not a given.
We earn both… and even then it seems, LIFE takes its own path.
My fiancé died on Christmas Day.
That is the legal day of death. I had been unable to reach him and I knew something was wrong. He was in another state at the time. I called the police on Christmas Eve and they would not go in to check on him because the workers at the apartment complex were off. I called the police again first thing Christmas morning and I literally stared at my picture of Jesus on the wall for 8 hours when I finally got the call that they did not find him alive. I was devastated.
Mom was in the hospital and Tom was gone. Mom died a month later on what would have been Tommy’s birthday. Wow…what a month!
For me, holidays are just something I have to get through. All my immediate family is gone now and it is just not the same!
I know my family are all together in paradise and I would be there too except my work here is not finished! I don’t skip Christmas but I don’t find the joy in it anymore either. Maybe it will just take time. By the way, you look just like your Mama!
Bittersweet, certainly.
Carmen, it seems when I’d see media’s portrayal of an uplifting joyful Christmas and then I’d go out among the crowds of people, there was a dissonance. The portrayal didn’t match reality. People look so serious and say things like, “I have to buy a gift for…”
Times have also changed since “Tommy’s” passing… we’ve lost perspective of what our holidays really mean.
The last few years, in May, I’ve noticed the media and even my friends wishing me a Happy Memorial Day.
I may be getting a bit literal here, but how does one have a “happy” “Memorial Day” when we in the U.S. take time to recognize all those who gave their lives for our country?
I think my mom looks more like my sister… although, when we were in school, people used to say my sister (2 years older than me) and I looked like twins.
My mother died 15 years ago. It was not on a holiday, but I wished it were. This is because every other year or so, I forget to think about her on that day. I always want to pay special tribute to her on the anniversary of her death, but when i forget, then I’m really upset with myself. I think that if she had died on a holiday I wouldn’t ever forget.
Sofia, your experience certainly gives a positive view of a loved one dying on a holiday… if only to remember. Thank you for this perspective. 🙂