Why Caregiving is Like Taking a Road Trip with a Man
Guest article by Mike Good
Before GPS, anytime you got into a car with a man there was no guarantee you would reach your destination – let alone arrive on time.
If you’ve ever found yourself circling an area at 20 mph while trying to read a Thomas Guide with a Bic lighter then you know what I mean.
Typically, I started out confident (and ignorant) of what the road had in store. Most of the time, because of a detour or wrong turn, I would eventually find myself in a Home Depot (my sanctuary) parking lot. I’d have a map spread across the hood of my car attempting to determine North by the position of the sun.
One morning everything changed when I opened a gift from my wife – a GPS! No more feelings of being lost, frustrated, and embarrassed. No more pressure from the back seat to stop and ask for help. Complete freedom to try every back road without fear of getting lost. No arguments about where to go because I now have a tool to guide me.
Ignorance Is Not Bliss
When you’re young and dumb it’s okay to be carefree. While you’re caring for another person, you must have a map to follow. Whether it’s hand-drawn or professionally created, a plan is essential to navigating this journey. Sue Salach over at The Working Caregiver, writes that, “Creating a plan for potential life events can cut down on the number of the random stops we make.” [TCV Update 1/21/2024: URL no longer connects to site.] You think you know where you are going but when hit a detour, you feel spun around, and stop at the Home Depot parking lot of caregiving.
Having a plan doesn’t have to be formal. It can be as simple as knowing where to get answers when obstacles change your course. Much like a GPS will help us get back on track; knowledge and advice from others help us navigate. And, I don’t mean those well-meaning yet annoying back-seat drivers; rather, I’m talking about people who have traveled this road.
Having an Efficient Road Trip
I know you don’t want to drive in circles, especially with today’s gas prices. You want a map that allows you to navigate as efficiently and as effectively as possible. But you don’t have your driver’s license yet. In fact, you’ve never received any formal caregiver training. So where do you start? What do you do?
Before you get into the car, start identifying your co-pilots. People like Brenda or me who understand your situation and will help you without biased commentary. If a co-pilot doesn’t resonate with you, open the door and kick them to the curb. It’s important to find those who you can trust and from whom you want to learn.
Driver’s Education
Each disease is going to require a different route and each driver is given a different car. As a result, you need to study and learn everything you can about your unique challenge. Knowledge is power, and ignorance is not bliss. I recommend topping off your tank on a daily basis – even if it’s reading only one paragraph or watching one short video. Make learning a habit.
As your knowledge grows, your confidence builds, and you’ll anticipate the curves ahead. And if you miss a turn and get lost, remember it’s okay to stop and ask for directions! Or if you start feeling sleepy behind the wheel, stop to let someone else drive awhile. If you don’t get support from others and try to drive the entire trip, you’ll become fatigued, negatively affecting the care you provide. As Brenda tells us in her short video, The Five-Minute Respite for Caregivers, even a small break can help “avoid a state-mandated vacation.”
Let education be your GPS. If you are dealing with Alzheimer’s, start by reviewing the basics. You can do this by downloading this free Introductory Guide to Alzheimer’s Disease [only name and email required].
No matter what you do, don’t do it without a roadmap and co-pilots to help make your journey efficient, effective, and successful.
Please let us know what tools you use to navigate the highways of caregiving. We look forward to reading your comments below.
Mike Good is founder of Together in This, an online resource helping family members caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. Through short, informative articles and easy-to-use tools, he helps these caregivers take control and have peace-of-mind they are doing the right things.
Love the analogy and the advice. Thanks for such a well thought out post. Here’s a tool I think is helpful for navigating the path of caregiving: [TCV Update 9/6/2018 Server not found to Caregiver Van]
Andream, thanks for the kind words and for sharing another tool that I’m sure many caregiver can benefit from on their journey.
One of the most important tools is not only a road map for the caregiver but for the family member or patient themselves. Developing a consistent schedule, and this frequently requires incorporating graphic schedules and symbols, and the use of verbal prompting to describe events and feelings. The verbal prompting often requires constant repeating for events that happen repetitively. Developing these road maps for both the caregiver and the “cared for” is much easier with the help of someone who has actually been through the experience.
Dr. Sharpe, AGREE… it’s much easier and more comforting to walk the road of caregiving with one who has been there and may still be walking along the road farther ahead.
Dr. Sharpe, thank you for your thoughts especially regarding the use of graphic schedules. I’m going to look for same examples. I also agree that we need to help create guides for those with dementia, and they should be included in creating the maps whenever possible.
What a great article to explain caregiving. I love the co-pilot analogy because most all our lives we need co-pilots. Add to life difficulties the navigation required of the medical and health-related systems and your article shoots an arrow at its core. Well done!
🙂 Love the “shoots an arrow at its core,” Marcia. Thanks for your feedback.
Thank you for this, I feel calmed just reading it. We kind of all know that we ‘should’ have a plan, but taking time out of just coping to actually make a plan is a challenge! I really can’t wait to read your ebook, thanks again.
Tori, you’re so right–finding the time (and energy) to make a plan. But we must; otherwise, we’re driving blind and we all know what happens then! 😉
This was a pleasure to read, Mike, and useful. I especially like the idea that a plan is not so much about staying on track but more about helping us get back on track when we get diverted, as we always do 🙂
Steve, good point about helping us get back on track with a road map.
That’s true Steve, and with caregiving especially when someone has dementia, there is no way to always stay on track. In fact, each day presents a new road to travel.