The Caregiver’s Voice recognizes two finalist Caregivers of the Month – Sonya Coleman and Dave Treibel in commemoration of National Family Caregivers Month and National Alzheimer’s Awareness Month in the United States.
For the past three years, The Caregiver’s Voice has recognized a Caregiver of the Month. Meanwhile, finalist caregivers fall among the shadows. They deserve recognition too; such as Dave Treibel from Oregon in the U.S. and Sonya Coleman from Australia. Their nominations (below) inspire and give us strength to go on. For more information read TCV’s Caregiver of the Month Recognition Program.
Sonya Coleman
Hi my name Steve and I would like to nominate my wife Sonya.
I am 43 and have Lewy Body’s Disease.
My wife is my full time carer.
We had only been married 6 months before I’d started to get sick a few years ago.
Memory Loss, Headaches, Terrible sleep, Parkinsonian symptoms, Dementia symptoms.
Sonya could have up and left as life was not what we had planned. But she said she would stand by me no matter what. At the moment my wife runs every aspect of the house.
She does the finances, cleans and runs the house and all that entails, looks after 2 kids, sorts out all my Doctors’ visits and medications.
She is on the go 24 hours a day.
At the moment my sleeping is terrible and she is up with me throughout the night. I don’t know how she does it all.
We never thought our lives would turn out like it did.
It isn’t often that we hear from the person being cared for (mostly because they can’t), and her husband told us firsthand of the kind of care he gets. He doesn’t feel like a burden or “less-than” a real man. She cares for him in a way that keeps his dignity intact. She cares for him with her whole heart. — Family Care Consultant
At 43 she pushes me around in the wheelchair, dresses and shower me , shaves me, drives me to all my appointments, doesn’t complain or make me feel stupid when I have an accident in the toileting area.
In all this and still being young she still makes me feel like a man.
She doesn’t make me feel like an invalid but like I am a man who deserves and gets respect and love.
A man who can make choices and is important.
I should be out earning a wage and supporting my family and spoiling my wife and yet she still makes me feel like the man in our relationship.
She is my wife and I love her dearly.
I know I couldn’t live without her.
If Sonya didn’t care for me like she does at 43 my only option would to be stuck in an aged care home.
She is my silent hero like all the other carers who constantly give of themselves selflessly.
I love her more than she knows.
Nominated by Sonya’s husband, Steve Coleman who lives with Lewy body dementia. [Unedited.]
NOMINATE TCV’s Caregiver of the Month of December 2012.
Click on Nominate TCV’s Caregiver of the Month for easy guidelines.
Dave Treibel
About 16 months ago, my brother Dave became our mother’s caregiver 24/7 when she developed dementia. In addition to cooking all the meals, keeping housework up, bathing her, installing grip bars, taking her to doctor appointments and for walks, he has been an inspiration to all of us siblings for his patience and enduring spirit.
As Mom’s dementia has increased, so has her inability to express what is causing her pain. Her frustration and change in personality has made this an emotional struggle for both of them.
The anxiety my Mom goes through when Dave is gone from the house for even the shortest of times adds additional stress and guilt to him.
[Dave] has faced significant challenges in recent times, and has stepped up to handle even more in his mother’s moments of need. I hope he and the family are able to work through the financial issues they’re struggling with in caring for their mom, and think it’s wonderful that his sister and other siblings recognize the contributions he’s making, and help out to give him some respite…[Recognizing] him is another way to send a clear message to him that his gifts to his mother have not gone unnoticed and he’s not alone in this challenge. — Social media marketer focused on supporting caregivers
Years ago Mom drafted a will leaving our family home to Dave. However, we discovered that if she went into full time care before 2 years of his constant caregiving, the house would be claimed by Medicaid and he would have nothing.
Despite what he is going through, he is a wonderful caregiver and definitely qualifies for recognition. There are no words to describe how much I admire him. During the darkest weeks, he can still find the positive moments. These serve as a reminder to him that this act of love is definitely about the journey and not the destination.
He has two losses to deal with at the same time–not being able to find a job because of the economy and losing his mother a little bit more each day. Even though I am sure this feels like one of the darkest moments of his life, he still continues to care for his mother. He is unusual in that his task typically falls on a woman. He keeps his family involved by welcoming the help, and he gives his mother dignity by keeping her in her own home. — Former caregiver for his father-in-law
Beyond deserving recognition for being my mom’s caregiver, my brother has already earned my award for strength of character.
Nominated by Dave’s sister, Patty Clark.
Thank you Brenda for finding a way to get my brother Dave’s story in your newsletter. I want to thank you for what you are doing to help others. I had a really rough visit with my Mom when I went last weekend to “Mom-sit” and give Dave a break. It is hard to keep plodding on because it is so difficult to see the suffering this disease causes for the person and their families and it makes me question beliefs I have had for over 50 years. It is people like you that help during those dark times. Each day it seems like there are less people in this world who care about others. Thanks for reaffirming for me that there are still those special people out there!
Hugs,
Patty
Thank YOU Patty for such sweet words.
I am glad you are still able to spend time with your mom, which gives your brother a break.
In fact, you, Sharon, and Dennis are all stepping in, which is important–not only for each of you, in being able to spend time with your mom–but also for your mom to feel the joy of her children in her life.
Most importantly, Dave gets the respites he needs so he can go on caring for your mom.
Together, you’re all making it work.
This is Dave Treibel’s brother and I’m so glad he is getting this recognition. He has so much patience working and caring for our mom. It’s been hard to see your mom who has always enjoyed life and energetic in this condition and state of mind. She used to walk at least 3 miles every day up until a few years ago and now she needs a walker most of the time just to walk through her house.
Amazing, to read that your mom walked 3 miles a day. I’ve run a marathon and I don’t even walk that much each day–if I get out at all!
How sad that she lives with dementia. Yet how fortunate she is that one of her children is able to care for her while the others give him respite by stepping in from time to time. I am glad Patty took time to nominate Dave and that you have also commented, Dennis.
Reading the story of the Coleman’s I feel connected with Sonya careing for her husband with LBD as I am doing for my wife with LBD. No one knows the difficulties in this journey better then the caregivers. The fact she has stuck by his side during these very difficult times says a lot for their love. Going through and watching your loved one suffer with Lewy body is a very heart breaking journey in life. Keep you chin up Sonya. From the way Steve has expressed his thanks to yu shows just how much he cares for you. Keep up the good word and please don’t ever forget as the disease progresses, it is the disease.
Thank YOU for writing, Don.
For all who are curious, Don Mc Cormick was The Caregiver’s Voice Caregiver of the Month of October for Lewy body awareness month.
I am the other sister of Dave Treibel. I am so thrilled that my sister nominated our brother Dave, for the special recognition. I am so amazed by the patience and love Dave shows to our Mom every day, even though there are extremely difficult moments, which are becoming more frequent. The rest of us siblings live out of town, so it’s hard to feel like we’re making a helping contribution. This is one of the reasons we decided to alternate weekends of heading to town to stay with Mom for the day, so Dave can get out a little and get a much deserved break and some ‘him’ time. It also gives us a chance to spend some time with our Mom for whatever time she may have left. Other than that, Dave’s time is devoted to taking care of our Mom each and every day (and night). His days are becoming more and more complicated as he tries to decipher what our Mom is trying to communicate to him, since her dementia is causing her times of confusion and not being able to figure out what she wants or needs to say. Dave is definitely a special person and so deserving of some recognition.
Sharon, thank you for taking time to write and to shed additional light beyond Patty’s nomination.
You all seem to be doing what you can for your mom and to support your brother who has Atlas’ shoulders upon which the weight of caregiving rests for your mom.
What an inspiration he is! (And so is our other finalist, Sonya!)
I am the mother of Steve Coleman (Sonya’s husband) and have seen the love that these two share – the way Sonya goes above and beyond what she ever expected in their marriage to her best friend (my son). They have (and are still going through) the emotional, physical and financial difficulties which is painful as a mother to see – but they keep going. I couldn’t ask for anyone dearer than my daughter in law Sonya, to care for my precious son on this painful journey for the whole family. In my eyes she is precious and takes on more than anyone should have to. Thank you Sonya, you are so loved.