“A Memoir of Life, Love, and Caregiving” for a loved one after a paralyzing stroke.
Kathi Koll lived the dream for six years with her real-estate developer husband before everything came to a screeching halt. He suffered a stroke – he would not walk, talk, or breathe on his own, again.
Don Koll’s success as a businessman gave them the means to care for him for six years at home. While they had the wealth and societal connections to enjoy worldly travel including a place in France, vacationing in Cabo, White House invites, association with Prince Charles; Kathi’s page-turner book paints a picture of two grounded people who suffer heartbreak as they navigate life with serious healthcare challenges.
This is not your typical story of a nouveau riche couple. Nor does the story end in the style of Kathi’s fairytale childhood surrounded by celebrities. In between are the years of caring for her family, losing her parents to cancer and alcoholism, a troubled marriage, raising three children, losing one brother and another (also named Don). Before Don’s stroke, while on vacation in France, they survived a scary and violent car-jacking.
Through it all, Kathi gathers her strength, musters up her reserves, and sometimes even runs on fumes to create loving moments amidst heartache caring for her husband. She sheds a lot of tears… A LOT!
She writes, “As time goes on, the patient becomes increasingly needy and, I hate to say it, selfish. If I had to do it all over again… [I’d] set aside an hour each day. Don would have been used to it and know it was my personal time.”
With the help of 24-hour care from 2005 through 2011, she makes moments fun, including a surprise visit from President Bush. (It’s amazing how she pulled that one off!) Once, she even considered having “one more roll in the hay.” Don was game. His doctor advised it would be difficult as Don’s catheter would have to be removed and the cardiologist and pulmonologist with other members of the medical team would have to stand outside their door. (Can you imagine?) 
She and Don still enjoyed outings despite his being paralyzed from the neck down and on a respirator. With the help of a medical team, they were able to enjoy many moments together including travel to their home in Mexico and even attending a celebratory event hosted the Boy Scouts where Don, an Eagle Scout, received their highest honor.
As I read her words in the chapter, “Rewarding Rewards,” I wondered how a man could perform such great deeds for so many and I’m only learning about him in the pages of Kick-Ass Kinda Girl?
Suffering a stroke was Don’s greatest fear. His father, also a real estate developer, and sister died of strokes while still in their 50s. Don committed to living a healthy life – exercising, taking his medications and postponing the same fate for 20 years.
I distinctly remember Don saying to me one day, “You know, Kathi, there are only three things in life that really matter: food, water, and love. Food and water enable one to exist. Love enables one to live”
Like Don, Kathi is helping others through the Kathi Koll Foundation. One of The Caregiver’s Voice Caregivers of the Month received help with adult day care expenses for her (late) husband with dementia so that she could take a much-needed respite.
Kathi’s strength, determination, and Kick-Ass attitude are why Don was able to live so long. What an inspiration, she is. You may likely feel as I do when you’re finished reading this Memoir of Life, Love, and Caregiving: I would love to sit down with the caregiver I got to know in these pages for conversations about caregiving, her foundation, and more.
For photos of the people in the pages of Kick-Ass Kinda Girl, visit https://kathikoll.com/gallery/
