The Wooden Bowl is a short story about an elder frail man and his family who grew to understand him. If you’ve not read this before, you’ll be sure to remember it after you do. Author Unknown (TCV Ed.)
The Wooden Bowl
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table.
But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult.
Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
“We must do something about father,” said the son.
“I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.”
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction;
sometimes, he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were
sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed
his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”
“Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama
to eat your food in when I grow up.”
The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless.
Then tears started to stream down their cheeks.
Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and
gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.
And neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer
when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Thank you, Carmen Scherubel for sending along this story.
Thank you, Alan and Carol Compton for use of your daughter’s wooden bowl.
Thank you, Terry Jones for “helping me catch the sun.”
Brenda Avadian, MA
TheCaregiversVoice.com
Carol, I love that story and I uneerstand in soem European countries it is the same custom. I read this story about the bowl and on how it hits home. At the first stage of my wive’s dementia and parkinson’s., I had no idea what I was dealing with and sometimes told her not to drop her food. It was only after a lot of self training that I started understanding it was the disease. This bowl story really hits home. I do nto critize but just clean up and thankGod that she is still with me. We are in the 9th year of Parkinsonism and 5th of Lewy Body Dementia. She uses her “SISU”(Finnish guts) to keep going.
Don Mc Cormick
Don, your words can help other families be more aware.
Thank YOU.
To wonder …how many people are out there showing signs of dementia whose behaviors are being misinterpreted by family members and friends.
I am friends with professional “healing” storytellers who have an email interest list dating back before 911. I have been on this list all these years.
Once I became a caregiver, after many years, I wondered how other cultures handled eldercare, realizing that common lingering old age as we now know it did not exist. Accident, common infection, polluted water, war, flus and colds took people out early in life and quickly. There were few ways to treat anything.
There were stories where the characters left parents behind, pushed them overboard, etc. I heard about “snow walking” in Arctic tribes where parent is left behind or chooses to take long stroll in dark blizzard…but later heard a native storyteller refute this. They did care for their elders.
So when I asked for stories about elder care in other cultures, this is one of the few…with variation of blanket instead of wooden bowl.
There is a story tradition in China to encourage “filial piety” … which extends to ancestor worship. The system in China is eldest son and his wife stay living in parent’s home, perhaps business . The grandparents are there to help babysit…son and wife help with business…teamwork. When grandparents need help in old age…daughter-in-law carries burden of daily work and often the sharp tongue of MIL. Son’s family inherits estate. His siblings would be free to create own life unencumbered.
So there are stories relating to this Asian tradition…heralding sacrifices of son to care for parents…cutting off own arm to feed them.
The Chinese policy of one kid…this is why crucial for a couple to have a boy. Recent update on Chinese aging crisis…law enacted that this single child (now probably working in city a thousand miles away) faces jail if they do not personally care for elderly parents. That is how China is facing its growing crisis.
Here in Silicon Valley…I see these Chinese grandparents walking pushing stroller… Son has imported them here, and they babysit while parents are at work. Several dozen gather daily around fountain in small park, doing Tai Chi. Looks like China. I also read a masters thesis about how these immigrant outsource filial piety by hiring caregivers for parents still in China.
There are many variations of the filial piety story … one modern novel i read, a man got married just to have slave wife to care for his parents…while he lived separate life. Also variations of what happens when couple have only a daughter…she carries full burden. This is usually a tale of bitterness. “Made to eat bitter fruit.”
Of course in western lit, “King Lear” is the iconic story…and not a pretty one. And by the way, filial responsibity laws exist in a few dozen states…watch for these to start being enforced, mostly used to collect money to reimburse nursing home or welfare .
WOW, thank YOU for taking time to share all those insights, Carol.
Truly. WOW!
Brenda