My Respite?
Friday, I will cross the border into Mexico for an early morning flight out of Tijuana. Destination? Cancun. I look forward to a much-needed respite and change-of-pace. From drought-ridden California to the rainy season in the Caribbean.
You already know when you try to take a caregiver respite, it requires a lot of preparation, planning, and tying-up of loose ends. For me, that means some days functioning on four hours of sleep. That’s not enough. I experience firsthand what my father did while living with Alzheimer’s. While it takes me longer to focus and complete a task, I hold in my heart, you, who struggle daily to complete even the simplest tasks while living with dementia.
Respite is important for our overall well-being. Time away inspires us in unexpected ways. Yet, so many of us feel tethered to our obligations. This is a double-edged sword.
For now, I know once my vacation starts, I’ll get an adrenaline rush. I look forward to adventuresome experiences; some I’ve not had before. It’s been two-and-a-half years. I welcome my first real vacation.
Your Response
Last week, I asked for your thoughts/advice. Do I take a real vacation or do I maintain consistency publishing these blogs since 1998 and newsletters since 2010? As I get ready to leave, I realize how much I need this break. (While there are times The Caregiver’s Voice accepts and publishes guest articles, the submissions we received lately have not met our publishing guidelines.)
Tens of thousands of you read The Caregiver’s Voice blog and receive the monthly newsletter. Surprisingly, only a handful of you (plus one) responded to my request for advice.
I’ll take what I can get.
Besides, the relative lack of response is a response.
“You Deserve It”
The first of six replies came from a long-time friend, Jim, from the Midwest who I credit with helping me make a 180° turn in my life early on. The second, Valerie wrote to me from Australia. She lives with dementia and encouraged me to take time off. While two of you invited me to answer an enlightening question, others of you wished me an enjoyable vacation: You deserve it.
A former caregiver, Don, cared for his wife with dementia until she passed and he found love once more. He wrote:
We wish you best of luck for your vacation, well-deserved I may add. The Caregiver’s Voice has provided me a lot of information while I was a caregiver and afterwards. Do not feel guilty for taking off from a monthly newsletter. You have earned this.
Gerda, who lives with dementia, wrote about her exhausted husband who cares for her. She worries that he may collapse due to his own health challenges. She advised me based on her own experience (typos corrected in brackets):
“If you collapse, you will not be able to give us [people with dementia, support] and [inspiration]. I hope you have already gone on vacation. Thanks for the work you do for us. Please look after yourself so you can keep doing it.”
Such caring and wisdom.
My heart is melting. It feels good to read others’ words of encouragement even when, deep down, I already know this.
Okay, I’m Going on Vacation – No Work
I feel a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders. The effort to produce and then promote a weekly blog and monthly newsletter takes a lot more time and energy than many are willing to devote consistently over the years. In my case, almost a quarter century! Of course, working while traveling has its own complications—losing an Internet connection right before saving our work, no Wi-Fi at all, and fun activities missed due to meeting work deadlines.
Consider this when you plan your caregiver respite. It’s hard loosening the tether to your loved one. There’s always this connection and the need to check in. Prepare enough to have time away from the day-to-day responsibilities.
I look forward to being fully free of one monthly newsletter and four weekly blogging publishing schedules. I look forward to a change-of-pace, which may lead to a dramatically new idea! The hiatus will certainly help me to regain my energy. Who knows what direction I’ll choose after spending almost 7% of the year in another country!
I will be posting to my personal Brenda Avadian page at Facebook, if you’d like to follow my adventures.
See you in mid-August. The next newsletter will be published in September.
While I enjoy Mexico, my wish for you—
My Wish for You
This message is needed more today than 16 years ago when Kate Nowak created it. Ten years ago, we published this inspirational video: May You Be Blessed
Click here to go directly to the May You be Blessed video on YouTube.
Hi Brenda,
I wish I had found your site when I was the caregiver of my mom, she had Alzheimer’s. I started writing a book after she passe away. I didn’t know I had so much to say. Almost done with it. I worked in the nursing industry while a caregiver for my mom. She entered into a nursing home, (memory care), when she could not walk any more. My daughter and health aides helped me. I want to advocate for caregivers that have to work, as I did. The hardest, saddest and yet the happiest time of my life. I am hoping to start a support group for working caregivers and to get companies to offer employee assistance for the caregivers.