I can hardly remember my life before Mom came to live with us on December 3, 1996 at the invitation of my husband, Lyle. She was 87, but to her, age was just a number. It did not define her. She was in good health and very active. Living with us fulfilled a need in her life and she enriched our lives. We were a family. I loved her dearly.
Almost 20 years later, while being held and surrounded by her loved ones, Anne Beversluis fell asleep and woke up in the arms of her Heavenly Father.
She did not suffer or need any end-of-life medication. Her favorite hymn was “Great Is Thy Faithfulness…morning by morning new mercies I see, all I have needed thy hand hath provided, Great is thy faithfulness…Lord unto Me.” God was faithful to her right up until her last breath. He answered my prayers and I was with her. I believe God said to me, “I gave you everything you asked for…now do not cry…be joyful…be at peace…your task is complete.”
Caregiver Claire Abel Reflects on the Joy of Caring for Her Mom
After moving into our California home from her home in New Jersey, she cared for herself well into her 100s. Then I became her daily caregiver. I made sure she was safe and not alone in the house. This limited Lyle’s and my freedom.
I coped by surrounding myself with things I loved and what made me happy. My two little white Maltese doggies, Pancake and Snuggle and a house filled with music as I sang along. We attended church every Sunday where I recharged my batteries. I tried to get enough sleep to prepare my body to be patient rather than overwhelmed. My husband was always there for me.
Three years ago, we hired in-home care to assist me with Mom. My prayer was to care for her at home. Two loving Christian Filipino angels, Angie and Loy, each came four hours every day for 3 1/2 years. I felt joy and comfort when I kissed her good night and tucked her in her own bed, in her room, in our home.
Now, that room is empty. My life changed. My Mom taught me everything, except, how to live without her. But my strength comes from knowing that I did my best, I gave my all, I finished the race. Life would not be the same without a mother’s love. At almost 71, I had lost the person who had known me from the moment I was born and loved me unconditionally, my confidant, my dearest friend, my pal.
I would do it all over again.
If I had to choose all over again, knowing it would be for the next 19 1/2 years, I would do it all over again. As Gloria Gaither so beautifully wrote, “And when relationships demand commitment, then I’ll be there to care and follow through.”
I had dreaded the day I would lose her. I could not even think about it without tearing up. But when that day actually came and the emotional days that followed before her burial, I met a new me, one that did not cry – one I did not recognize! I said to myself, “Who are you – you are not the Claire I know!” But my God is a God of Grace. There is a depth of God’s love that we experience on a need-to-know basis. That is a love you did not need before. That love was God’s gift to me.
Three months have passed and tears have set in. I feel a deep sense of loss. The release of my emotions is actually comforting but life is very different. I am adjusting to an identity crisis: What is my role now? We not only lost Mom, but angels Angie and Loy who became family. The house is very quiet. We are adjusting to no timeframes and an empty room.
I will always miss my mom; however, it will not prevent me from moving forward. Lyle and I are finding meaning, peace, and contentment beginning a new chapter in our lives – Us. With God’s help, together we will learn to live that chapter.
Click for more JOYFUL posts by and about caregiver Claire Abel.
Once again, we had an issue with our captcha. Here are the comments that came in at that time. Hopefully this issue is now resolved.
Rhea Calopez
I was able to read the article and it was quite touching. It felt like you were in front of me personally telling me the story of you and Grandma Anne. You are such a beautiful person inside and out.
God bless you and Uncle Lyle. We love you all!💞
Thanks Claire for the wonderful article. It is a lovely gift you continue to give to others that are caring for a loved one.
Blessings, Debbie Hill
Hi Claire,
I know a little bit about letting God redirect my life. I’ve found that is the key: letting Him do it. Since I know God has a purpose for me I’ve let Him lead me to it and through it. He does allow me those moments of remembrance, some tears, etc., but right on the heels of those moments are new joys, new challenges and experiences, and the knowledge that He is supporting and directing me at every turn and bump in the road before me. It’s quite exhilarating, really. I certainly hope that you and Lyle will enjoy the road ahead of you also.
Best to you; God bless both of you.
Larry
Claire
This article, this heartfelt article was so beautiful. I loved this line:
In fact, she taught you all along, didn’t she? Claire, you may be the sweetest, most loving person I know. Genuine and a person who is devoted to the caring of others. You truly amaze me in your kindness.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful article. She would be so proud. She IS so proud.
Love,
Eileen
Hello Claire, What a beautiful article. I was touched by your love and care for your Mom. She was truly blessed to have you for a daughter. I will be sure to share this article with Mayor Wood. Take care,
Debbie Walker-Mikulay,Aide to Mayor Jim Wood,City of Oceanside
Dear Claire, Job very well done. I can feel those words and remember our feelings for my Mother, Conrad was a jewel cared for her so well. Doris
Beautifully written, Auntie Claire. Love, Mary
Claire, That is such a beautiful article! I know you miss her. I still miss my mother so very much and think of her all the time. And I miss my brother Thomas every day. It’s good to be able to see Gwen and Elise more often, but being here in Louisiana makes me think of him all that much more. He would have loved knowing his grand nieces and nephew. And I would have loved seeing him every couple of weeks. It’s so hard to let go of family. But you do have to move on with life. I know it’s been hard for you, but I hope the new life you are creating is satisfying and happy for you. You deserve it. Love, Susan
Claire, Very moving piece you wrote, you are very talented. Dick
Dear Claire,
Congratulations on being asked to do another article for “Caregivers Voice”, your one on “Joy of Caregiving for Your Mom” was so helpful and encouraging for those struggling with the demands of caregiving. I believe that your topic on Life after Caregiving will be super well received by those who feel at an utter loss when no longer called upon for the care and attention of a dear loved one.
God bless, Pastor Barry
Thank you for sending this, Claire. You both have been examples of joyful self sacrifice, and I pray that you may rest up and follow God’s will for the rest of your lives as he reveals it to you.
The Caregiver’s Voice experienced a 36-hour glitch with the Captcha code anti-spam feature in our Comments form. It is fixed now. Here are some comments that were not posted during this time.
Don Distelberg
“It takes a husband and wife, both willing to commit to a parent to make this work.
You sure had that combination. ”
Dorthy Vink Nickles
I remember when my mom passed away just over a year ago, you sharing about your concern how you would handle your mom’s homegoing. Although it is not easy losing our parents, God does give grace fit for the need we have. After caring for my mom since my dad’s death 13 years ago, I also have had to rediscover who I am. So much of life was caring for someone else, first my husband and then Mom. Although I still work, the empty, quiet house is still strange. There have been times I have heard her call for me….. Strange to be alone for the first time in your life at 71. But God is faithful and so day by day we rely on His presence and all His promises. Caregiving isn’t easy but wouldn’t trade a day. God bless you Claire. Too bad we’re a continent apart.
Cousin Moo
So very beautiful, Claire!! 🙂
oxxoxoxo Love you, Moo oxxot.
Diane Young
Beautiful! Anne loved you very much
M. Helms
Claire, what a beautiful article accompanied by gorgeous pictures! That one of you and your mom is so beautiful.
You were a great role model to many of us as you loved your mom well all the way till the end of her life. We all learned from your loving example and we miss Anne very much.
Pastor Alvin
This is beautiful, Claire. After those years of helping your mother, you will now have years of helping other caregivers. You are living a beautiful and important life. With admiration, Steve
Well said. I am glad to hear of our Lord’s continued grace to you. Pastor Phil
You lived such a beautiful life, caring for your mom. I know your life will continue to be beautiful, just in a new and different way.
Enjoyed the article very much. Losing a parent that you have taken care of is hard but after reading Claire’s article, I am sure her and Lyle will be fine in whatever path God has chosen for them.
Lovely article