I Was Admitted into A Memory Care Unit

Last November, I spent several nights in memory care at a residential care home. I went to the Northwoods of Wisconsin to present two keynotes and six workshops at three conferences in as many cities. The first conference was hosted by Bell Tower Residence (BTR) in Merrill.

Hosts usually make hotel arrangements and when Kris McGarigle, BTR’s Administrator, asked for my hotel preference, I asked, “Is there room at the Bell Tower?”

It gets a little scary.

I’m visioning a room on the first floor in independent living. I hope I can make friends during my three-night stay. After all, if you’ve read articles or listened to enough stories, you’re aware that living in community, like high school, has its own cliques, bullies, and more. What if I don’t fit in?

In the days before departure, I scan their website. What activities are scheduled while I’m there? What meals are they serving? I really want to fit in.

A month later, their Sales and Marketing Director, Deb greets me while Kris is at an evening board meeting. Deb, a health-conscious high-energy lady, offers to help me with my luggage.

Why are we taking the elevator? Am I not staying on the first floor?

“What? We’re going up to the Memory Care Unit?” I ask, surprised.

I would do it again.

When things don’t go according to plan, sometimes it’s best to go with the flow.

After all, this is another opportunity to relive memorable moments during the thousands of hours I’ve spent visiting people in assisted living, nursing and memory care over 20 years. I am able to experience first-hand what caregiving looks like for people with dementia – morning, noon, and night.

I welcomed this valuable experience.

If I were invited to return to Bell Tower Residence (for a fourth time), I would do it again. I would also consider staying in another residential care home hosting a caregiver conference where I was speaking.

Caregivers and family members who adventurously live this experience for several days and nights should try it again for a week. Considering a loved one may live in residential care for a couple years; this advance effort will greatly improve expectations.

Additionally, forward-thinking care homes can invite their staff to live the experience, too.

Bell Tower has invited their functional leaders in areas such as dietary, housekeeping, activities, or even nursing, to experience first-hand what it’s like to be a resident.

Leslie Pedtke, Educator for Quality Improvement at King Management Company in O’Fallon, Illinois, created a contest among long-term care staff to live the experience as long and as fully possible. They must simulate living with a diagnosis like arthritis, limited mobility following stroke, incontinence, cognitive, vision and/or hearing impairment, while staying for a week or two in nursing care as a “resident.”

These kinds of experiences are retained far longer than classroom-style empathy sessions. The contestants endure the frustrations of their limitations and learn to depend on care that can prove quite humbling.

Meanwhile, family members become better advocates and partners in care when they experience living as residents.

At the end of the month, I’ll share more details and why I believe family members are best served by a several-night stay when considering placement for a loved one.