While caring for my father with Alzheimer’s, I laughed at some of the things he said. He would stand in front of the closet mirror and scold the guy for mimicking him. He called him stupid. To help him be more aware of himself, I shot video of him while showing it to him in real-time on TV. It took a moment for him to register what he was seeing, and then his eyes opened wide. He insisted I call the station manager, “Tell him that there’s a guy on TV that looks exactly like me!”
My laughter usually took my father by surprise. He was serious about these matters. Still, he knew I had his best intentions in my heart. So, he’d look at me. Seeing me still smiling or chuckling, he’d smile. This diminished the tension, making caregiving easier. His life ended 20 years ago, and caregiver humor continues to ease the burden for millions still caring for loved ones with dementia.
Today, a new generation of people with dementia continue to make us smile and even laugh with their heartfelt wisdom. If we listen, we’ll learn and remember the fun times. We’ll also help the person with dementia maintain their vibrant selves despite the damage caused by the disease.
Tori Tellem, founder of Comfort Human has been capturing insights for years as a volunteer and includes them in her recent book, Conversations with Alzheimer’s: Advice on Life, Love, and Aging from those with Alzheimer’s and Dementia.
While visiting, she writes in her book, she’ll say to a resident, “I need your help with something.” The resident usually perks up. She then follows with questions for their advice. “How do I …?” “What should I do?” “How would you …?” This gives the person with dementia the opportunity to answer freely and to feel purposeful.
I’ve included a handful that capture a nugget of truth with a twist of humor.
Some women dress to the nines.
I dress to the twos.
I haven’t experienced love much.
I think there’s a secret code.
I’m just not good with people
I don’t really like.
What was bothering you last week
you probably can’t remember.
Same with what’s bothering you now.
Laughter is always a good way to go.
Good friends also help.
I knew a woman who never laughed.
It was easier to make a prune smile.
