How My Cat Demanded That I Be A Better Caregiver
Who knew this 10- to 12-pound orange ball of fur wrapped around a gentle-hearted smart tabby kitty would teach me more about caregiving.
As I celebrate a milestone 60 years this year, I am in a reflective mode. I am also catching up with much-neglected and forgiving family and friends.
As we grow up (older), it makes sense to take a step back and ponder what we’ve learned from others in our lives.
My late father, who lived his last years with Alzheimer’s, used to say, “Keep your head about you.” I’ve heeded his advice repeatedly; especially, recently, as my marriage gave way to preparing for divorce. I’ve kept my head about me thanks to friends, family, and even a few professionals.
However, not all lessons come from the people in our lives. Sometimes, we can learn from the animals who adopt us. Take Narenge (pronounced NAH-renj), which means orange in Armenian. Narenge didn’t have a chance. He came with FIV – the feline version of AIDS and more problems that only love could soothe.
Caring for aging cats (I’ve cared for four across 25 years) is as hard as caring for a loved one living with late-stage dementia. Neither has the ability to communicate meaningfully what is wrong – what hurts. Caregivers are left guessing and feeling powerless to comfort one in pain.
Each cat dealt with a different diagnosis – stomach and intestinal cancer, four years of kidney failure, yet kept alive by subcutaneous injections, liver failure with a week in ICU, and Narenge’s AIDS, other problems, and eventual lymphoma.
5 Cat Tips for Caregivers
Even after Narenge walked across Rainbow Bridge in 2012, his teachings live on.
Meow your specific request.
People want to help; they just don’t know how. Describe what you need if you’re not a cat. Be specific. If you’re face-to-face, look earnestly with the biggest eyes you can manage. It will melt your caregiver’s heart.
Every few hours, Narenge meowed for fresh food. He wanted to be petted, massaged, or even bathed. He enjoyed being scrubbed with a couple of wet paper towels. He purred during these baths and when I cleaned inside his ears.
Assert your “right” to a be taken care of by others.
Narenge liked how my neighbor spoiled him while I was traveling. Half the time, he wouldn’t even greet me when I came to bring him home.
Like any social kitty, Narenge found his way on our guests’ laps and purred loudly. Even those with mild cat allergies succumbed to his meows and petted him.
He loved variety. I should have considered adult day services as the staff was wonderful with my father.
Show your appreciation… often.
Narenge purrs and snuggles close to show his appreciation. Find what works to show your gratitude when people help you. Since we humans use language, start with, “Thank you for [what the person did or gave you]. Your [help/gift] enabled me / my loved one to [be specific.]” People like helping those who are genuinely grateful.
Get some respite to take care of YOU.
While Narenge cat-napped during the day, I took a respite. Respite from caregiving means doing whatever needs to get done that’s a change-of-pace from being a caregiver. Sometimes, getting caught up with our chores re-energizes us; especially, if it includes going grocery shopping to fill our empty refrigerator and pantry.
Wise caregivers quickly take advantage of free-time. Even a few moments can make a difference. A family member who visits Mom or Dad for an afternoon or weekend can give you space for a quick escape. Recently, I attended Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Beach with a former caregiver. Classic paintings came alive with actors enacting the scenes. This year’s theme fit my milestone birthday: The Time Machine
After taking care of yourself, you’ll be able to better care for another.
After a respite, you’ll have more energy to respond to your care recipient’s needs. In this case, a demanding fur ball meowing loudly for food – fresh food before settling down on a warm lap for a nap.
Revised from original, Caregiving Responsibilities and Birthdays, article published in August 2012.
