CONGRATULATIONS, Carol Wright for being named The Caregiver’s Voice Family Caregiver of the Month.
Despite the hopelessness of a terminal disease, Carol finds ways to bring her mother (who is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s) JOY each day with creative activities. (Ed.)
Sole caregiver for Mom in advance stage of dementia
Carol Wright has been the sole caregiver for her mother, who is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s disease, for over eight years. Like most caregivers, she was thrust into the position suddenly and made the choice to leave her home in another state to come live with her mom.
“Carol has found innovative ways to help her mom enjoy each day despite the hopelessness of late-stage Alzheimer’s.” – Former caregiver and selection committee member.
Mother loves music, babies, and animals.
What impresses me about Carol is the creativity she uses in her caregiving role. Her mother loves music, babies, and animals; so, Carol has gone out of her way to see that her mother is entertained.
Sunflower seeds, not peanuts, are better at the squirrel-feeding table.
Because it’s difficult to bring her mom into the world of nature, Carol has brought nature to her mom by setting up a squirrel-feeding table. It is located just outside, right next to her mother’s window, so that she can sit and watch the squirrels eating. Carol suggests using sunflower seeds instead of peanuts because the squirrels will stay at the table longer eating the seeds. She explains that “They tend to take the peanuts back to their nests.”
Caregiver Carol says: We watch the Classical Baby DVD series regularly–short classical music segments, stylishly illustrated. In this shot, Mom wanted to share the music with the parakeets, and had me bring them over next to her so she could watch.
Conducts the orchestra
Carol’s Mom also enjoys babies so Carol has purchased a series entitled Classical Babies. And because she loves music, her Mom can also often be found enthusiastically “conducting” the orchestra seen on some of the videos. This not only helps to entertain her but gives her some upper body exercise.
How Mom gets Waves and Kisses
Carol says it’s important to make friends outside of the home and engage them in her mom’s care. This includes the hair salon gals (who now fight over who gets to work on her), and staff at a few coffee bars. Carol had a “business card” made with a photo of Mom riding and smiling on the electric supermarket cart. On it she wrote “Make Mom’s DAY! Wave to her and Throw KISSES!” She hands the card to people, while walking ahead of her mom. This makes their day too.
“I wish I had her creativity! What an awesome daughter.” – Current caregiver to spouse and selection committee member.
Sharing photos encourages Carol’s neighbors to visit.
She has also enlisted the help of her neighbors. Whenever they visit, she takes photos and makes multiple prints – one for the neighbor and one for her mom. This way her mom can see that she is loved by other people. (Her mom can spend hours sorting through the photos.) Delivering the photos to the neighbors gives them an excuse to visit.
Entertaining smartphone apps
Carol also recently discovered that her “smart phone” is a great tool for entertaining her mom. There are many simple apps available on these phones such as popping bubbles, making fireworks explode under one’s fingertips, and feeding fish in a make-believe but life-like koi pond. The apps work for play and therapy because they are touch sensitive and entertaining for a person in the later stages of dementia.
Carol’s unusual approaches to keeping her mother engaged and entertained demonstrate her devotion and love to her mom in a way that always inspires me.
For caregiver support, Carol actively participates on three online forums and peruses caregiver-related websites for new information.
Nominated by Shelley Webb, RN, Former Caregiver
TheIntentionalCaregiver.com [TCV UPDATE 3/12/2021 This site has been rebranded as Intentional Living, a lifestyle blog for women over 50.]
The Caregiver’s Voice thanks the many family caregivers like Carol Wright, who go above and beyond to provide quality and loving care. We are proud to recognize you for your inspiration through hope, knowledge, dedication, love, and humor. Because your stories are worthy of recognition, during the coming weeks, The Caregiver’s Voice will feature one or two more of the finalists in the TCV blog.
NOW ACCEPTING NOMINATIONS for CAREGIVER of the MONTH of DECEMBER
Right now, we are accepting nominations for our next Caregiver of the Month. We invite you to submit nominations for family and professional caregivers for the month of December. Please click on Nominate TCV’s December Caregiver of the Month.
GIFTS for our FAMILY CAREGIVER of the MONTH
The Caregiver’s Voice will be sending Carol Wright a copy of “Where’s my shoes?” My Father’s Walk through Alzheimer’s and Finding the JOY in Alzheimer’s: When Tears are Dried with Laughter. We’d like to give our deserving caregiver recipients more prizes. Right now, The Caregiver’s Voice solely underwrites this program and charges no application fees. If there is a sponsor who would like to underwrite this recognition program–your banner appears for one month–we welcome you. Please see our Sponsor page for more information.
I am so happy to see my friend Carol chosen Caregiver of the Month! I think she has hit on something vital for the care and well-being of Alzheimer’s patients.
I think the incredible palette of activities in which she had her mother engaged needs to be widely shared. Perhaps the best thing she has accomplished is to give encouragement to others to come up with creative ideas of their own, based upon the interests of the one with Alzheimer’s.
For Carol’s mom Shirley, it is (among other things) animals and children and classical music and crazy hats.
No one has ever quite paired the word ‘joy’ with the word ‘Alzheimer’s’ the way Carol has, and that needs sharing!
Message for Carol: We are gathering names and email address’s for a surprise birthday wish for Bob DeMarco.
Please send your email address to carole_larkin@tx.rr.com with surprise birthday BD
I am gathering names from those who have commented on the blog. Many do not have an address listed so if you know of others please forward this request.
Thank you, Judy.
Carol has always been an extremely creative, off-the-wall intelligent woman with a unique vision. That she has turned her shining abilities into being a devoted full-time caregiver for her mother is not surprising, for she has always been a Good Samaritan, perhaps her most significant calling.
She has not, during all this time, stopped developing her creative skills (making movies about her mother) and writing some very interesting materials that certainly have to do with caregiving issues, but may well be applicable to many aspects of contemporary life. There’s much more to say.
God Bless Carol and her Mom, Shirley, and all those facing similar challenges.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I’m Linda Morris, Carol Wright’s youngest sister. I am constantly amazed at the things that she does with Mom to entertain her and keep her mind alive. All those mind exercises throwing balls between us led to more laughter than exercise!!!
Wendy is my daughter. She lives closer to my Mom and also visits her other grandmother, who also has Alzheimer’s. My ex-husband is her sole care giver, so Wendy has lots of experience with dementia. I am so glad that she has the time to visit because I’m disabled and my chances to visit Mom are rare.
Carol is my angel. She keeps me informed about everything regarding Mom via email.
I was [Mom’s] caregiver before Carol came down from Orcas. I was working and went through the heart surgery. (Mom was never the same after the angiogram. She couldn’t even remember why or where she was in the hospital.) Less than six months later, she had back surgery. I was living with Mom, taking care of her, working, while my husband waited patiently for me (living with his mother in Concord) to be able to move up there.
I’ve had 2 back surgeries, so it would be difficult for me to help much with Mom, but I treasure the time I’m able to spend with her.
Carol is an angel. She was always the smart one. I really don’t know if Mom would still be alive without everything Carol has done for her.
Thank you for everything, Carol.
Your loving Sister, Linda
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On my Facebook page, Carol Wright, I decided to start an Alzheimer’s Film Festival (for Alzheimer’s Awareness Month) featuring films of my mother. Of course, the first one is the music video of One Love from the Playing for Change videos. If you want full details, FRIEND me on FB. I will have all the details of each video in the NOTES section.
http://tinyurl.com/29oq4kx
First, made it [the DVD] with thoughts of immediately sharing it with family and friends then pulling down if they objected…and anyway, I would make a dvd of it for home use and sharing. SO…as soon as i made and posted the video, I emailed PFC [PlayingForChange.com] and notified them of the use. Someone emailed back and said she’d pass the word along. Nobody got back to me.
Here is how YouTube is handling this now. If you are really interested, there is a fascinating lecture on Ted.com about how they do it. YouTube collects albums from music labels and scans them for their signature patterns. As you upload the video, YT scans your audio track for telltale matches. They can catch it even if you use the audio backwards, use just a few seconds of it, slowed down, etc.
When your upload is complete, you will receive an immediate notice that the music you are using is in probable violation of copyright laws, but not to do anything yet. This happened with this video. With Warner Bros. songs I used (incredible video…too bad)..YT corralled the video into my quarantine area. The Enforcer Squirrel used to be locked up, then they released him on bail (Jimmy Durante).
Typically, if you have used a commercially avail song they will slap a link over the video with direct link on way to buy mp3. I always put purchase info into my videos as a courtesy.
Many of my videos use music from friends of mine and I have direct permission. Paul Adams has such a variety that I can almost always find music from his catalog for my use. iMovie has a lot of sound effects and music choices. I often buy sound effects like wind in the grass or surf online for a few dollars.
But this is an idea…I will contact Playing for Change website. Maybe they want to feature this video for National Family Caregiver’s and Alzheimer’s month?? Guess could bring that video up to the primary spot as well.
Wendy above, is my bundle of joy delivery. To be truthful, I can’t deliver pure joy and gaity like Wendy can. It’s hard to be good cop and bad cop. I designate things out to others. Wendy came over one night for just a half hour and just laughed and giggled and clapped with my mom. Please see this special video, one that took a lot of planning, equipment and new editing program (for true multicamera ability).
I had DVD of the Playing for Change on little dvd player in front of them…and they were to sing along with it. I would splice them into 3-4 parts, just like other performers were. http://www.youtube.com/user/CarolJWright#p/u/5/hvqTbzSrhb0
They have to wear headsets because you cannot have the little speakers making noise and being picked up by the main mic. You’ll notice all performers have headphones. I knew I would have them worked in after a third of the video, so we fooled around waiting for the right time. Mom was too involved looking at the dvd image, so we closed the screen and they listened only to the music. I told Wendy to literally YANK mom through the song, just engage her. You can see she did. I kept the camera running all the time and moved around a lot to give variety.
After a false start (where Mom literally dove into the dvd player to watch the image) we did it in one take. The man next door was waiting to start his leaf blower. At the end, mom says something funny…worth repeating to hear it. 😉
After editing, I put it on YT and also on DVD. We play it often on the big screen. So this project keeps giving and giving…will make nice gift, too.
Similar is Shirley’s Silent Night. There are also two other videos of Wendy singing and one reading a Christmas story book.
Carol, for The Caregiver’s Voice’s second caregiver of the month…you have certainly set a high bar.
It is my hope you will inspire other caregivers to have FUN with their loved ones. If they are inspired to do just one thing, loved ones around the world will be that more fortunate.
What a cool video and how you placed your mom and Wendy in it. What JOY!
I agree, I wonder how the http://www.PlayingForChange.com will react to your using their video to share your message of JOY. Perhaps, they may give you kudos for espousing their message–Playing For Change and bringing JOY to our loved ones with dementia.
I sit here smiling…wondering…what you’re up to next!
Usually I don’t need the cards because Mom just starts throwing kisses. But people are literally shocked to see the card…then delighted. I also instruct other people to throw her kisses – like the big guys who came with noisy equipment to vacuum the furnace vents. Lots of chaos getting her out of house so early, she is in bad mood. I told the guys to wave and say “We’re going to do a good job on your heater, Shirley.” SMILE! They smile and wave. Mom throws them kisses. They are amused.
I have people “trained” in the neighborhood to come by -the couple with the new baby and toddler in stroller and the gal who takes in dogs to be trained for seeing eye service dogs. A new puppy arrives each year.
This is crazy idea.
Sometimes she is throwing tennis ball down the street for them to fetch (safe street), so I signal that I will take dog inside, actually just point her to the front door. Sometimes two black labs rush inside and create instant chaos of fun. I run behind and make a commotion, the owner follows me. Mom is safe in her chair or bed…dogs running from cat food bowl to kibble bowl, wolfing down food. Come over to mom and slobber kisses and wags…finally they are collared with much ado, and brought over to Mom for official slurps. Then let them go so they’ll go outside, ‘cept they want to look for more cat food. Hilarity ensues. Much yelling and laughing.
Want something to shake up the stagnant energy? The dogs’ll do it!
The first time, this happened by itself – dog charging into house and running amok. After that I orchestrated it. I will often stop strangers who are walking their dogs to come visit with their pooches…come over to the car or bring them in house. Most are more than willing to do it. I am sure to take pictures and print them to laugh later about what happened when going through pictures.
Parlay one experience (dogs) into others (viewing prints).
Carol, you are truly a master (mistress?) of Finding the JOY in caregiving. Would you like to submit some of these stories for our forthcoming book, Finding the JOY in Caregiving? Find the submission guidelines here: https://thecaregiversvoice.comcommunity/submit-your-story-for-finding-the-joy-in-caregiving/
Congrats Carol!!!!
It is always fun to help come up with interactive joyful times with grandma. I knew you were very special to grandma when we went on our first outing to the orchestra. Grandma always lights up when you plan things for her. Some fits every now and again when proteins begin to unfold and temper tantrums flail. But all in all, what a beautiful composition!
Thanks for being such a great role-model!!!
Congratulations Carol – this is a wonderful story. You are so creative. I particularly like your idea of passing out the cards so your Mom is greeted with waves and kisses. She must feel so special and I’m sure it helps her stay connected to the world outside.
Great job Carol….
My mom’s not quite that bad, but needs to be watched on an hour-to-hour basis. Glad to see someone take the responsibility to help a parent in time of need. After all, they took care of you when you couldn’t do for yourself … Full circle … Nice job, way to go.
You never know when you will be called to serve. Drawing on the skills of your previous work and family life, as well as spiritual training and social connections all pulled together, act as a beautiful gift to the one who needs the care, and to the developing soul of the caregiver. One step at a time…….
Well done, Carol!
Thank you for the honor, and for Shelley for nominating me.
There are a lot of things I do that are not even mentioned here.
I used to shoot and make programs on video. This kept my creative braincells alive, and I had a record of things I did with Mom. AND if you are “putting on a show,” you think of things to shoot that are worthwhile…you live for the camera. However, I don’t have much time to concentrate on this any more.
You can find the videos I’ve done here. One is my more personal channel and the other has more tips. I will add more info as time goes on.
http://www.youtube.com/CarolJWright
http://www.youtube.com/AlzheimersCaregiver
There is one you may overlook, which is about Dean’s 12th Birthday party. Deano lives next door, and had spinal meningitis as a baby. He is almost blind, walks with difficulty, and has a vocabulary of about ten syllables (if that). I have photo of Mom reacting to him when he was a toddler, and it is the first photo of her where she was present in her … being. They are true buddies, and the photos — I have of the two of them are often transcendent. In this video, you will see a collection of disabled boys, most in wheelchairs, some might even be in freak shows in centuries past. This gathering is the most joyful experience I have ever filmed. There is no bitterness, nor any Poor Me, nor Poor Them. Mom fits right in. (The key is, I discovered on my own…is to start relating at Zero Point, instead of clawing through what they used to be or could be. I think of looking at a puppy or a cat in the eyes if I need to adjust my own perspective. This video is an example of doing that. Also the Boston Therapy Dog guy…perfect example.)
Ironically, mom woke up on the bad side of the bed. So got praises online, and fists over here. Really really, you cannot MAKE anyone happy, but you can try. God laughs.
Carol,
Again, Congratulations. And thank you for the added information for The Caregiver’s Voice website visitors.
Wonderful!!! Just wonderful!!!
Carol’s diligence and creativity are completely inspiring. Her story changes me and the way I think about my elderly father, who is slowly getting worse and worse.
I am inspired by Carol’s devotion, her creative and beautiful care of her mother. I am humbled to be in contact with a group of such outstanding people. We may not choose our challenges but we certainly grow and become better people because of them. Thank you Carol for the lessons I have learned from your experience. I am thinking anew because of you 🙂
Tammy Gilden