Exploring the Future
Friends often remind me, “You’re almost retired. Stop working so much. It’s time for you to enjoy.” Their words repeat in my mind like a mantra. Being raised in a work, Work, WORK family, I need to heed their advice before an unexpected health challenge leaves me with regret.
While I work intensely and don’t feel guilty when I take time off, I do feel responsible to post articles consistently. I feel obligated to you to continue writing these informative, inspiring, and sometimes funny articles in addition to The Caregiver’s Voice monthly newsletter. After all, consistency is the hallmark of a professional.
My succession plan for The Caregiver’s Voice is to work with the person who displays initiative, passion, and energy. The Caregiver’s Voice is likely the longest-independently run website dedicated to caregivers for people with dementia. In the 1990s, few family caregivers spoke publicly. My words as a family caregiver comforted fellow caregivers. Professionals were the experts and helpful; yet, their clinical expressions often went over our heads without touching our hearts. The next generation will carry the mission of TheCaregiversVoice.com in new and exciting directions.
For now, I’m exploring Japan. In fact, at the time of this publication, I will spend my third night in Tokyo before heading north to Hokkaido (Sapporo). It is a seven-hour journey on Japan’s bullet train, the Shinkansen, which can reach 200 miles per hour. My plan is to explore as much of Japan as I can, including the narrow band of cities most people visit (Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, Hiroshima). I invite you to track my adventures on my personal Facebook page @BrendaAvadian.
Caregiver, once your role ends, especially as a spousal caregiver, what will YOU do?
For you married or otherwise relationship-committed caregivers who cared for your loved ones until they passed, what’s next? Read the article “Season after Caregiving” among the article excerpts posted earlier this month for one caregiver’s approach to being a former caregiver after her husband died.
The Single Life and Choosing Family among Friends
Today, more people are embracing the single life. When I was growing up, there was pressure to marry. Independent, resourceful, and relatively healthy older adults live on their own terms. Independence grants one the freedom to row one’s boat along the twists and turns in the river of life. With patience, one grows to learn more about who one is and what one wants in life.
This is where I found myself after 42 years. After divorce, nearly five years ago, I am still discovering myself. We often lose ourselves in a relationship; especially, from a very young age. The more I interact with others, the more I learn about different facets of myself. Sure, it’s new and can be scary. Yet, the gifts are beyond what I imagined. Besides, investing time with my family of friends strengthens our bonds. They will be there for me when I need them as I am there for them.
The bonus? We create an energy together that ripples beyond us to the world. For instance, here we are, the nine of us including visitors from Mexico, walking on The Boulevard in a neighboring city. A teen with his friends (homies?) catches our energy and offers to take our picture… if only we could stand still. 😮
Retired and Expanding My Horizons
Two of the advantages of being mostly retired and single is being able to do what we want, when we want, where we want, and how we want depending on who we’re with.
In my case, juggling work commitments last year, I enjoyed magical moments in Italy with Yasmin Flores. While I love the freedom of traveling alone, a travel companion adds extra flavor to my adventures. An extraordinary Spanish tutor and a thirty-something fashionista, Yasmin had a much better command of the Italian language than I. Fortunately, Florence-based caregiver, Mauretta Bernardini retired from teaching English and Mario Possenti, Secretary General in Milan, spoke fluent English.
Kobayashisan, retired architect, now happy Goat Whisperer.
Today, I am traveling in Japan with an American-born retired architect of Japanese descent. A fluent Goat Whisperer who recalls some of his early Japanese schooling, we are at the beginning of our 17-day adventure. After meeting one of Japan’s leading anime publishers years ago and learning kanji, my Japanese remains limited. I am using Google Translate and a newer AI-driven Interpreter.
Exploring a Culture among People Like Me?
“I want to go home,” my father would say as Alzheimer’s took away pieces of his memory. Where is home? It can be anywhere that feels familiar and safe.
Immigrants and first-generation offspring sometimes struggle to feel at home. It is surprising to others when some of us say we do not feel at home in the U.S. In my case, it could be after struggling to fit in among fair-haired fair-skinned Polish, Germans, and Swedes in a highly segregated city while growing up in the 1960s. Over the years, repeated comments of how unique I am (“You’re one of a kind.”) stopped feeling complimentary. Today, these words encourage me to find people more like me.
Armenia, the home of my forebears has changed much after 70 years of Soviet rule. I was raised with a strong work ethic, integrity, and initiative. While visiting in 2002 and socializing with Armenian immigrants in the U.S. during the last three decades, I was surprised to see how many of these values disappeared. I felt out-of-place among “my people”. Mike, the Goat Whisperer, feels the same. Perhaps it’s because he was raised in Los Angeles among Latinos. In fact, he speaks better Spanish than Japanese!
I will continue to travel and maybe even find a place I feel more at home. I am almost retired and traveling in Japan, where cleanliness, pride in workmanship, and old-fashioned respect are still the norm… or so I’ve read. After two-and-a-half weeks, I’ll have a better idea.
