Book Review – Walk Her Up the Stairs by Loretta Fox

Loretta Fox’s caregiving memoir, Walk Her Up the Stairs, inspires in spite of her mother’s judgmental comments.

Ellen, age 93, was deeply committed to her Catholic faith, while her daughter, Loretta Fox chose her own path. Despite her fragile health, this staunch German mother expressed disapproval, punctuating Loretta’s caregiving. Fox writes, “I often found myself asking for grace, for the patience and strength to continue as a caregiver, and I prayed to God, the divine Creator, the Great Spirit.” She felt more connected among the Quakers, while also celebrating her husband’s Judaism traditions.

Fox overcame much to keep her promise to her late father. Amidst juggling caregiving and an out-of-state move for her husband’s job, she coordinated downsizing and moving her mother with most of her treasured and familiar possessions into their new home.

About this time, she learned her mother needed to go on hospice. She found Stella Maris in Maryland. Her mom welcomed care by this Catholic-based organization, assuming nuns would be caring for her. Not. Regardless, her hospice caregivers lovingly attended to her needs. (Indeed, it’s a small world. Years earlier, I presented a keynote address at their annual conference.)

Fox writes that the title of her memoir, Walk Her up the Stairs, was inspired by a song, “Walk Him Up the Stairs,” from the musical Purlie. (See the end of this review for a link to a YouTube video of this song.) Loretta sang this song twice with her church choir. Later, she would hum the melody, while helping her mother walk up the stairs in their home. She’d recall those early years as a teen observing her “mother’s own gracefulness” caring for her own parents, Oma and Opa.

Fox had initially written a series of poems to help her cope with the responsibilities of caregiving. She then expanded, providing greater context to her lines of poetry, with this memoir. Her vulnerability and the depth of her sharing conveys vividly the all-too-real struggle among caregivers for loved ones.

Fox details her moments of joy with her mother. As her mother weakened, she grew confused occasionally. Fox writes, “At dinner one evening, [my mother] asked for more of ‘those little tubes’ meaning green beans. After that, she never knew the name of them again, her favorite vegetable.” It happened suddenly. Then she thought her son-in-law went to the same school with her. She’d talk to him about their teachers. While Ellen frowned on her daughter’s choice to leave the Catholic church, she embraced Loretta’s husband like a son, even as he followed Judaism. And music remained in her life. At times, her daughter would help her to the piano and she’d play many melodies.

Knowing that her mother had only a short while to live, Fox was grateful to spend one more day, one more hour with her mom.

Walk Her Up the Stairs trailer from the publisher.

The title was inspired by “Walk Him Up the Stairs” sung by the cast Of Purlie on The Ed Sullivan Show, November 1, 1970