Sue Matthews Petrovski’s Shelved is a practical down-to-earth “Memoir of Aging in America.” For those brave enough to take a peek into the future, Petrovski offers an objective view without being preachy; instead, she comes across as a dear friend.
At 85-years old, Petrovski expresses the impact of older Americans’ life transitions in current terms. It makes sense for this retired high school teacher who at age 80 saw herself as a 45-year-old. Shelved includes valuable details that many of us don’t even consider to ask.
Like millions of others, Petrovski is enjoying retirement when her husband starts showing signs of dementia. He copes – sometimes in anger – to hold it together. She faces reality – she doesn’t have the energy she used to. To be responsible for maintaining the home in which they raised their children would be too much. She recognizes that even with hired help for home repairs, that life at this stage would grow too burdensome. Even keeping track of paying the bills after her husband sometimes paid them twice or not at all would be too much.
What should she do?
She makes a decision but then has doubts. This will be her decision alone as her husband cannot grasp the full picture. He forgets and then is shook by not being able to find his doctor’s office – the one he went to for 40 years. He falls more frequently. He gets angry when she asks about the new yellow streak alongside the car.
Meticulously detailed in the parts that matter – the emotions of vacillating between selling the house and moving or staying in familiar surroundings and figuring out ways to make things work. The stress of letting go of all that stuff we often treasure and store in closets. She takes us on tours of different facilities. Reading these parts is like talking with a friend. Her research gives people, at this point in their lives, the foundation upon which to plan their next move.
When she settles on the place it feels foreign to her. It’s full of old people. Oh, wait… she realizes she too is old(er). While her husband and she have led actively engaged lives; now, she’s entered a strange place, a “captive, unknown space… in this outer interstellar world…” where “the dining hall is the center of everything.” With mixed feelings, she refers to this place as Planet X.
While this is a memoir of her experiences, they serve as valuable considerations for those facing this important time in life due to aging or health issues that make living in one’s own home more difficult.
Includes an eye-opening chapter on day-to-day life in independent living and a candid discussion with her daughter of the role of elders in society. Hint: While older Americans may no longer be in the race of doing, they serve important roles in society. The key is doing so with courage to be mirrored by future generations.
Sue Matthews Petrovski’s, Shelved, A Memoir of Aging in America is a must-read for older people “sideswiped by age” and considering a life-changing transition from their established homes into independent or assisted living. A valuable short read (165 pages) for adult children who want to be informed supporters in their parents’ transition. Shelved provides an important perspective for administrators, directors and activity personnel in independent and assisted living who are committed to making lives better for their residents.
