Book Excerpts Finding the JOY in Alzheimers: When Tears are Dried with Laughter

Excerpts from Finding the JOY in Alzheimer’s: When Tears are Dried with Laughter

Superheroes

“Caregivers are a unique group of people. What sets them apart is their resourcefulness in time of need, stamina in time of exhaustion, strength in time of weakness, and perseverance in time of futility. This makes caregivers sound like superheroes.”

—Mary C. Fridley RN, C
Annapolis, Maryland

Caregiver Loraine Yates celebrates her 50th Birthday by jumping out of a plane at 13,500 feet.

PHOTOS courtesy of Skydive Santa Barbara

Loraine Yates ready to jump at 13,500 feet

After a successful jump caregiver Loraine Yates is lifted off her feet by Stanley R. Ozalski, instructor at Skydive Santa Barbara

Garden of Joy

Bright and sunny days of Spring
Or crisp days of Fall.
We walk together, hand in hand
The Good times we recall.

We stroll along the garden.
I take your fragile hand.
You love to feel the petals
And walk barefoot through the sand.

Oh, how you love the flowers
All shades of pink and red.
Smelling sweet the fragrance
As you slowly tip your head.

Together as we wander
Among the shared trees,
We speak of olden days
That bring back memories.

And as the days grow shorter
We’ll spend the hours well.
I’ll treasure every moment
For only time will tell.

How long ’til the angels call you
To make the journey Home.
All sorrows, we will leave behind
The Garden, we will roam.

And if there is a moment
When I am feeling sad.
I’ll think back to the Garden
And the good times that we had….

—Loraine Yates
Ontario, California

The Power of a Smile

Our mom is eighty-six years old. When she lost her independence by giving up driving two years ago, she moved in with my sister, Linda, in Lancaster, California. Shortly thereafter, Mom started showing noticeable signs of Alzheimer’s.

Linda’s e-mail brought a smile to my face: I came home from work and was puzzled to find all of my dirty dishes on the kitchen counter. I opened the dishwasher to find that our family’s dirty socks had been carefully arranged on the prongs inside and put through the dishwashing cycle. Thankfully, Mom didn’t put the dishes in the washing machine….

—Barbara Jacobson
Livingston, Texas

The Neighbor’s Bathroom?

Donald shuffled into the kitchen, where I was quite busy. He announced, in a childlike way, that he wanted to go to the bathroom . . . almost asking for permission.
“Okay,” I said. “Go to the bathroom.”
“I don’t know where it is,” he replied.
“Just down the hall . . .”

Donald had been gone for a while when I noticed that our apartment door was open….

—Evelyn Daniel
Lancaster, California

A Secret Communication

A special bond has always existed between my mom, who had Alzheimer’s, and my grandson. When Alex was two, they seemed to be at the same point in their lives.

I’d watch, amazed, as Mother and Alex revealed similar capabilities while feeding themselves, communicating, and comprehending. Alex touched my mom’s arm with his hand. Mother smiled and patted his head.

Alex sat in the wheelchair with her. Mother jabbered in contentment, while Alex gazed into her eyes.

Mother began to need someone to feed her. Alex was starting to feed himself competently.

Mother continued to grow backward and Alex moved forward.

Alex always told us that Great Grandma DeeDee was talking to him when she made unintelligible (to us) sounds, not words. When she smiled, he insisted it was a smile for him.

Could they communicate? ….

—Mary Emma Allen
Plymouth, New Hampshire

My Love, Forever

On the advice of a very dear friend, I have placed a daily diary in Loretto’s room. I write happy things in it that we enjoy now. From time-to-time I read the entries to my wife.

A year ago we had our fortieth wedding anniversary and a family gathering at a lodge. At the urging of the same dear friend, we made an event of the occasion. I was in my best suit, with a new tie and a flower in my lapel. My bride looked beautiful. She had her hair done and was adorned in her best dress, with a corsage I had given her earlier in the day…

My wife will be my love forever. I can’t imagine the day she will not say to me, “Hi, hon.”

—Ed Shaw
Ontario, Canada

Why I Go Back

After my father made life’s ultimate transition in March 2001, I returned to the Antelope Valley Care Center (AVCC) where he lived his final years.

Initially, family members were surprised to see me. Oftentimes when a resident dies, surviving family members find it difficult to return. I imagine this is especially difficult for spouses, and even parents, of loved ones who have passed on. Yet, how could I stay away? The residents of this 200-bed Alzheimer’s facility and their family members became part of my family while my father was alive. I learned about some of their families and sometimes even about their family history. Although my father was no longer living, they were still alive. They helped me feel connected and feel like I had not lost everything. They enjoy seeing me and I enjoy visiting them.

So, I continue to visit ….

—Brenda Avadian,
Pearblossom, CA