Husband to keep looking for a room to share with his wife.
Family Caregiver, Sally in San Antonio, Texas, updates The Caregiver’s Voice (edited).
(First, read Spouse with dementia can’t share room in assisted living with well-spouse.)
Sally: Thank you for your prompt reply. We had the meeting and my Dad held his ground and we will look for another facility that will allow them to be together.
He simply and quietly said, “We stay together until one dies and that is the way it will be.”
All emotions are aside for now and that facility is off the list. The good news is that San Antonio is chock full of nice facilities and we will begin another search soon.
Ask TCV: Barring any regulatory issues in Texas, you should have no trouble finding a willing home to invite your dad and his wife. Be sure to present them with the “three-month trial period” idea if they hesitate. (Refer to previous post.)
To be fair, your Dad should pay the shared room rate (at a lower rate due to his fewer care needs) while his wife pays the semi-private room rate for skilled nursing.
If the home has vacancies in their skilled unit, this would benefit your dad, his wife, and the home.
Ask TCV: To explore this idea further, I called a nursing home administrator. He said he’d jump at the idea; especially, when his rooms are not filled. He added: This placement would provide great publicity–it would encourage other couples to do the same.
Ask TCV: In three months your dad and the assisted living home can revisit the living arrangement in case his wife’s health declines dramatically, he changes his mind, or someone is on the waiting list for skilled care. At that time, your dad may reconsider moving into a semi-private room in assisted living.
The home might even offer them discount since additional marketing dollars weren’t needed to find another resident.
Sally: My brother and I may also schedule a call with you in the future since we seem to be on opposite sides of a very emotional issue and I think it is tearing him apart.
Ask TCV: I welcome this opportunity to help you, Sally. Send me an eMail to schedule a call. I understand and appreciate both your brother’s and your views on opposite ends of the continuum. Yet, I am confident you and he can achieve a mutual understanding.
Sally: I feel calm today as my Dad is not being railroaded into a situation that may (maybe not) be business motivated. How wonderful that you are there for us. Thank you again for your caring reply today.
Ask TCV: Thank you for your expression of gratitude. I do appreciate this very much. And thank you, Sally for your donation to The Caregiver’s Voice. It will go toward serving more caregiving families. But most of all, thank you (and your brother) for being concerned children. Your father must be very proud of you.
Brenda Avadian, MA