Humor by Maxine – Let’s put all seniors in prison
- Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks.
- They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
- They would receive money instead of having to pay.
- They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly… If they fell or needed assistance.
- Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
- A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
- All meals and snacks would be brought to them.
- They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
- They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education…and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
- Simple clothing – i.e., shoes, slippers, PJs – and legal aid would be free, upon request.
- There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
- Each senior would have a PC, TV, phone and radio in their room at no cost.
- They would receive daily phone calls.
- There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
- The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
Let’s give our elders state-sponsored vacations inside gated communities.
Let’s make the criminals pay for their care. Besides, who came up with the idea that criminals should receive free room and board?
TCV Editor’s note: I thought Maxine was a person who had a syndicated cartoon until an online search set me straight. She is a character created by John Wagner for Hallmark Cards. [UPDATED 9/23/2017] I contacted Hallmark for permission twice and received no reply. This is a slightly edited version used without permission. Additionally, the reference to nursing homes–included in the original post–is excluded here. Nursing homes remain a viable option for our loved ones’ care and have been negatively stereotyped despite initiatives to improve.
Brenda Avadian, MA
P.S. Thank you, Diana Burke for introducing me to Maxine and sharing “her” humor.