Ethel and Mabel are eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning when Ethel notices something funny about Mabel’s ear. She leans forward for a closer look then sits back in amazement. “Mabel, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
“Whah? I have a what? A suppository?” Mabel pulls it out and stares at it.
“Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.
A retired man in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what hair was left on his head.
“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-75.
He pushed the pedal to the metal when he spotted a highway patrol trooper in his rear view mirror–blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
“I can get away from him with no problem,” thought the man and he flew down the road at over 120 mph! Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.”
He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”
The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”
The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”