We’ll be checking into a Holiday Inn!
With the average cost of nursing home care at $200 per day,
there is a better way!
When we get old and too feeble,
We’re moving into the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long-term stay and senior discount,
it’s about $85 per night.
Breakfast is included.
Some locations even have Happy Hour.
That leaves about $115 a day
for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want,
or room service, laundry, gratuities, and those special TV movies.
But wait, there’s more!
Nursing home stay is $200 per person per night.
So, we’re actually saving $315 a day!
Plus, there’s a spa, swimming pool, workout room,
lounge, washer, dryer, and more!
Most provide free toothpaste and razors,
and all have free shampoo and soap.
Just $5 in tips a day
has the entire staff scrambling to help us!
They treat us like real customers, not patients.
There’s a bus stop out front and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick us up (if we fake a decent limp).
To meet other nice people, we call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, we take the airport shuttle bus,
and eat at one of the nice restaurants nearby.
While at the airport,
we’ve flown somewhere for the day.
Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into a decent nursing home.
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.
And, you’re not stuck in one place forever.
You can move from place to place and even from city to city..
Want to see Maui ?
They have Holiday Inn there too.
Light bulbs need changing?
Need a mattress replaced?
They fix everything
and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person
and daily room service.
The maid checks to see if you are okay.
If not, they’ll call an ambulance . . .
or the undertaker.
If you fall and break a hip,
Medicare will pay for the hip
and Holiday Inn will upgrade you
to a suite for the rest of your life.
no worries about visits from family.
They will always be glad to find you,
and probably check in
for a few days mini-vacation.
The grandkids can even use the pool.
What more could we ask for?
Thank you, Sharon Price and May Barrass for sharing this humor.
Edited and updated to reflect current estimated rates TCV Ed.